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Remembering, Tears in my Heart
by Bonnie Moss (c) 2011- 02

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ... Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Shed no tears- for I am always with you
Oh heart, dear heart, smile
I stand beside you as you watch the sunrise, or the sunset
I hold you close when you are feeling sad
Watch the stars- I am among them twinkling at you
Feel the warmth of the sun, such is my love for you. ... Anonymous

It will be three years, end of February since you left this world, my world. Father Time seems to go very ,very slowly for me, although, we all believe that Time flies.

I acknowledged my pain so that I can move on, be it ever so slowly. The pain cuts very deeply into my soul and moving on is tough. Father Time there are moments it stands still for me. It is my challenge to work through these trying moments, for it comes back hauntingly now and then. Faith in God helps me through, also the love and support of family and well - meaning friends.

It is in the stillness of the night that I feel the depth of my pain, the pain of life without you.I had this girlish notion that we will be together forever, of course, forever is forever. There are times that even in the midst of laughter, I feel a nagging pain, a reminder of someone missing. No matter how far my gaze searches, there is no you.

After you left this world, I have to learn how to walk the path of Life alone. I will never hear your voice again, your encouraging and comforting words. You are no longer beside me to admire the beauty of Nature, take a walk or just sit on the deck, soaking up the tranquility Christie Lake offers. When I write or play the piano, there is no you to support my efforts. Heaven knows you grew up with accredited and accomplished musicians, your Dad and your brother Earle. But needless to say, you applaud my endeavours, encouraging me to keep at it. You teased me about choppin' up Chopin and breaking Bach's clavichord. Did we have a laugh!

Today is Valentine's Day. And yes, other holidays have come and gone, without you. Am I getting used to your obvious absence? Instead of toasting to the occasion, I now light a candle and say a prayer for you, that you are in the Light of Eternal Glory. I keep the tears in my heart, I suppress the sobs, and offer a smile to the world.

I learned to turn my grief into moments of introspection. I often see you in my dreams. I pray to God for you to come in my dreams. This gives me comfort. I know that even in that realm, you are with me. I understand the messages, urging me to move on, to look at the brighter side of life without you. You are not here physically, but truly, you are with me in spirit. I clearly get the message that you are staying connected, yes, dreams that you are connecting with me. And I thank you. At first, you have this sad look, but lately, I see the peace in your eyes, and a smile on your face.

Not too long ago, I felt so desperately alone towards evening, I took a pill to relieve my pain. I fell asleep but I was awakened past midnight, with just a glow from the television for a light. I could hear a whisper telling me to go to bed and rest. I can't remember if I turned the television on before I crashed on the sofa. It reminds me of many nights of insomnia when I would go downstairs to read, you always came down to urge me to come to bed and get some sleep.

So many more reminders of the life and the love we shared. We traveled many roads, sailed through calm and troubled waters, we weathered many storms. We drove through the soft light of many moons and countless sunrise. I will remember the sunsets we watched, our favorite songs and books. As I water the plants and admire their beauty,I think of you. I thank you for the laughter and tears, the music and the dance of Life we shared. Thank you for helping me discover who and what I am.

There will be no more warm embrace or the touch of a comforting hand. Now when I feel a breeze around me, I know there is you.

Deathbed Vision or Journey in the Astral Plane
Eulogy for Eric
A Final Goodbye
Tribute to Eric