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One Sided Love
How to Avoid It
by Bonnie Moss (c) 2011 October

Loving someone who doesn't love you is like reaching for the star you know you'll never reach it, but you have to keep trying. ... unknown

Love thyself!! Love is powerful. It fills one with positive energy. Love colors one's world with everything bright and cheerful. That is if love is shared mutually. It is in our human nature to love and want to be loved, although there are cases of unrequited love. No one can be forced to love someone. But so many do fall into a one-sided relationship to their own peril. Yes, it happens that some get into one-sided relationships. Love is not mutually shared. Simply, the one who loves is not loved back.

Shakespeare wrote: “Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares.”

Falling in love with someone who does not love you in return can be distracting, compelling and consuming, in a worst case scenario. This results in an unhealthy relationship and lifestyle, physically, emotionally and mentally . If this spins out of control, this can result in depression, loss of interest, unfulfilled life, a broken heart and there are reported cases of suicide.

But- loving someone should not be this painful. Before making a commitment, make sure love is mutual and reciprocal. It does not make sense to fall in love with someone who can not love you back. There are those who desperately long for someone to fill the emptiness in their hearts. This quest can lead to falling for the first person who comes along, and blindly, it feels like love. Dating sites are tempting, it appeals to your emotional need to find someone you can love and perhaps share a life together. There are success stories, couples find love and enjoy the blessing of compatibility. But, proceed with extreme caution .

Can you avoid falling in this trap?

If you are feeling vulnerable, dealing with divorce, death of a loved one, or you are afraid to face the years ahead alone, or you need to get even , and find someone on the rebound- don't. This is not a good time to let someone into your life. Confront your loneliness or pain, be sure of what it is you are looking for in a partner.

Here are some points that can help:

Can you accept he/she is not into you?

Love is indeed romantic - we read books about romantic love, we swoon when we watch romantic movies, we get dreamy and bleary-eyed. Ahhh... the thought of deep love is fulfilling , uplifting and even ecstatic. But- be practical and realistic. Get over your fantasy of romance.

Do you know who you are falling in love with?

Sometimes when you have been searching for someone, you create a mental image. If someone who may resemble the image in your mind, take the time to get to know a bit more of the real person . It would be a mistake to find out a bit too late that you did not know the person at all. Then you find out you don't love the real person.. You see things the way you want to- blind to the real way the other person is.

Widen your world- keep going, and keep growing

“ Unrequited love hits harder if we stop meeting our basic emotional needs for companionship, creativity, and emotional intimacy (which can be got from good friends) “

Do not abandon your social circle, keep your interest in things you love, go out in the world with other people. Do not isolate yourself. Even if you don't feel like doing anything, force yourself to get out there. It helps you find some peace and feel the caring and sharing others have to offer. It's a big wide world out there, waiting to see you take part in the activities.

Glimpse the future and all the possibilities

Can you look back with pleasant memories if you keep up with this one-sided love? How do you cope with the other daily demands on your time and patience. Are you happy? Emotionally, mentally and physically, how will your life be if you are stuck in a one-sided relationship? There is enough stress that fills our plate, unrequited love overpowers all other stress.

Get out of the rut before it is too late

You are not alone. Surely, you have a relative or a friend who must see your dilemma. It takes willpower and strength to get past the hurt and face reality. It's your call.

Find someone who can love you back

Be yourself, sometimes, when you are not even looking, someone will come along. It takes time to gain your confidence and learn to love and trust again. It does happen. There are worng and right places to look for love.

Hold the highest vision of yourself

Nothing is wrong with you. It is not you- sometimes it just happens that the other person just can not get into you. Believe that you have a lot to share, to offer to someone who can love you back, love you for who you are. I want to thank Mark Tyrrell for his insightful article. The helpful tips in italics are direct quote from his article.

Reference: Mark Tyrrell, therapist and co-founder of Uncommon Knowledge

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